i think too much

i think too much when i'm sick.



so forgive me.

anyway i feel shit abt something

and i cant blog abt that something here

so it's double triple shit.

URGH.

anyway.

im sick n tired

of how pple interpret me

and e fact that i dun bother to correct it.

yawn.

u suckers,

look at me the way u wan to.

i repeat.

suckers.

didnt catch that?

.S.U.C.K.E.R.S.

suckers.

sick

i'm sick.



sneezed throughout ts3234 yest.

den felt a heavy head.

no fever

but heavy head.

cancelled tuition

and ate mummy's cooking.

omg. i felt well after that!

but not for long.

i couldnt sleep on my side

cos i'd have one side blocked.

den i woke up with a bad throat.

went to mummy's bed n lay there

whined n whined

to both mummy n bro.

and wad happened?

they had the same reaction!!

each threw me a 50 dollar bill

and said "no money see doctor?"

omg.

i'd get rich if i feigned sick everyday.

but of cos, i didnt wan the money!!

i wanted attention.

grr.

that was my morning.

oh yea.

remembered i bought the campbells soup.

someone gimme a teddy bear?

im drained

im drained.



must be the two weeks.

i need training.

tmr, please come.



i am drained.

so drained from trying to forget.

so drained from not remembering anything.

so drained from getting no response

yet so drained from not doing anything.



so drained from entertaining

so drained from going thru routines



i need a laugh in my life

and im taking it from everywhere.

everywhere thats not right.

wad has come over me?

i'm being someone i'm not.

i wanna get out.

i wanna sleep.

let me.

and let me dream.

i feel so small

i feel so small

like. small.

in a place where i'm not supposed to feel this way.

i'm 20.

and i don't think i'm too childish for 20.

let me into ur world.

please.

i'm scared of being left alone.

let me into ur world.

i cant be who u wan me to be.

i cant be who u wan me to be.

cant u see?



i'm very tired.

i'm really very tired.

i'm not how u wan me to be

and i can't do it.

i really really can't.



i'm always ur disappointment.

always.

when will u be proud of me?

when will u tell me u r?

i need reassurance.

i dont want negative encourgement.

it doesnt work on me.

it really really doesn't.

cant u tell me i'm doing good,

when u think i am?

why do u just tell me wad i've not been doing?

i can't do them all..

i really can't.



i don't want to be strong.

i want to depend on someone.

i don't want to have to do all of this alone.

i'm so sick of swallowing my tears.

i'm so sick of hearing the same things,

over and over again.

u know u'll be the cause,

if wad u've been saying will happen

really happens in future.

refer to vermie's blogs for my updates

(so convenient)



no of cos my life doesn't revolve ard her!

anyways im feelin quite lousy lah.

dunno why i'm feelin this way.



um. so yea.

that bad habit's back with me.

i need to kick it aside.

i dunno how.

someone teach me.



::happy moments::

received the SPONGEBOB HELIUM BALLOON!!

from vermie n vc..

and the super nice laminated dartboard backing!

and the super nice laminated card from them too!

received a strip of yakult from shaun!

yakult yakult!!

received the progs foto from vonne!



::upsetting ones::

stuck between quarrels.

stuck between quarrels.

hazzle (my palmtop) reset--

most of my updated data's lost.

upset someone who's nice to me.

look so fat in recent fotos.



it's that habit.

i gotta do something abt it.



someone help me.

even the one downstairs cant.

i dunno who can.

just.

help me.

my day

yay yay

my day!

i m so happy

i m so happy!!



yay yay feeling damn good now!

wad happened??



::thursday::

lazed in bed til afternoon

then went to school for my lesson at 5pm

n guess wad??

i saw all my baby campers.

saw clarissa n tian yue soon aft i alighted.

ok fine they saw me.

i am blind.

dun force me to repeat thattt!

then they brought to me lt 12(!!)

haha wad a senior.

and i'm not alone! yay.

i'm takin en1101e with the kids!

then went off for tuition.



::friday::

was late meeting miss vc.

SORRY!! i promise to be early next time.

couldnt sleep til quite late the prev nite..

anyways we had to sit all e way to the back

during el 1101 e

and i thought i saw shaun goh at the first row

until i saw him in a different top afterwards.

i'm just blind.

sat thru ge1101e with vc

and saw a cute b****. -drool-.

two rows below us!

den den..

after lect ended,

and i got a nice trip from the super nice n adorable vc

back to central lib,

i saw the cute b**** again!! -drool-

yay. then stayed at swaps table for awhile

with su teck n hanyong

den went for ts!



guess who's my lecturer?

yea my ts tutor in first sem!

he told us not to blog

we could get sued..

so yea no name mentioning here

but he's damn cute n nice n entertaining lah!

and the module's so interesting!!

i'm so looking forward to preparing for my project!

and know wad?

i'm takin all my three ts modules with alvin!

yay alvin! are u reading this?

let's spreche more deutsch!

hahaa i must brush up. u be my teacher!



means..i'm not takin any module alone! yay!



::today::

had a sick morning..

grr.

and the cab driver just had to make me more sick.

like he totally made my motion sickness came back lor

idiot know.

grr.

anyways went yingjie's house to cook!

with vermie n joanna!

yay yay..

na made salad,

yingjie cooked fried rice,

verm n i fried tempura n finger food.

the dragonfruit are so sweet.

im thinkin of them right this moment.

fly here u fruit.



met the others at west coast.

must compliment shaun here

he's damn nice!!

we tried askin him to come down

and he almost did!

nice guy.

will u marry me?

ok fine. dun faint.



i'm quite delirious now. hahaa

anyway so happpyyyy



vonne bought me a bouquet of flowers!!

like gosh!

so sweeeeeeet.

fresh flowers!

they're in the fridge now.

will put them in the oven tmr

and they'll be ready to eat again.

ok not funny.

VONNE! thank you soooooo much.

love them! see ya mondaayyyyy



something i wont forget to blog abt.

vermie n vc!!

grrr

please read the following.



::i am not gullible chapter 1::

vc actually told me that to book the chalet

must walk in --

cannot take car or bus!

must WALK IN!

like gosh.

i was thinking "how'd they know?"

but she was SO CONVINVING lor.

u'd have believed her too

if u had listened to that girl. grr.



::i am not gullible chapter 2::

at the west coast park playground

verm n i saw this obstacle thingy..

two ropes.

then we were wondering how to cross

and verm told me roll over

and it's not my fault.

she was damn convincing too.

and there's no other way!

grr.



ok happy happy day out.

credit to the zai driver su lynn

who gave me a lift back home!

ure a dear too! muack.

shopping spree

shopping spree



had a good day yest..

woke up later than i hoped.

abt 8plus.

so i reach the pool slightly before 9.

swam 12 laps only

and im feeling a little muscle ache.

hope it's from sunday's training

n not from yest

else i'll be so embarrassed.

the sun was gooood

so i'm blacker again. grr.



went to school n fergot whr as3 is.

saw alvin! yay n he told me.

thought i'd be the only one i know

attending ts2236 crossing boundaries of performance.

but i saw aidah! n paulynnnnnn!!!

n of cos, alvin too.

so cool hor??

anyways lect ended early..

at abt 1pm.

den went for the interview with javen.

haha lin yen said i looked good on screen

so i think i must look really fat n horrible in real life

cos i thot i saw a round face on screen. grr.

GYM GYM VERMILLION GOH GYM!



lin yen taught me the fast way to go queensway

take 10 den change to 51.

and guess wad??

i saw sheryling on the bus!

ok.. she saw me. i'm a blind bat.

anyways sheryling ur fren's qt cute.

den they brought me to queensway safely.

hahaha so nice!

den i met..who else.

the crazie vermie n the crazy vc.

couldnt find the fbt shop!

can u believe it?!

grr. i went so many rounds!!

verm saw 2 nice caps she wanted..

both were nice, and she bought the choc one.

vc was enthu abt her collector's shoes.



den vc drove us to funan! yay!

saw my nice nice palm keyboard!

-drool-

den got insulted. grr.

"tungsten t is now obsolete."

!!! i then dowan buy ur keyboard.

aft verm n vc went off,

i went shopping alone at marina square.

guess wad i bought??

a pair of nike shorts! nice!!

an adidas bottle! nice tooooo

and the fbt singlet i wanted.

i wan the 2 nike shorts..sob.

go back next week k u two??

marina squareeeee!!



den met the rest at marina mandarin.

the rest comprises-

mummy, ah ma, ah yee, qian(!!), bro;

jie's mummy + daddy, jie's bro + in law n herself of cos.

the foood was great.

fantabulous food. yum.

n qian's so smart.

i brought her back to the room once

and she could bring my ah yee back to the room!

she's damn good at association lor.

she was like "we ate fish, so it's the fish room"

like gosh.

(we were in pisces room)

so clever! 3yo only u knoww..

it runs in the family.

like her cuteness. =]

ok everything's coming back..

ok everything's coming back..



everything just comes back aft she put down.

grrr.



feel so unwanted.

kpg dragons facing problems..

just when the programs are coming up.

urgh..i hate it.

it's a time for me to relax..

a time for me to stop thinking abt anything.



i hope i get that tuition.

i'll be a rich woman if i do!

please call me back, u agent guy.

i need that money!

baby cousin brightens my day

baby cousin brightens my day



been feeling damn shit.

den huiqian called my house

and insisted i'm lola.

grr.. so sweet.



fergot wadever grumbles i had.

nothing to blog now..

feelin weird

feelin weird.



feeling weird. so weird.

anyways,

auntie, desmond, ruby,

granma, uncle, 3 cousins

came over.

and ruby gave me a large box of rocher!

omg.

im trying to lose wt cant u see?

ok that's rubbish.

i m so not trying.

but i wanna. so urgh!

but i ate one anyways.

haha thanks =]



feeling weird. so weird.

feeling like im missing the wrong person

feeling like im outta the world

feeling like im new

feeling like i dun belong anywhere

feeling like im changed

feeling like an idiot.

urgh.

grrrr

grrrr.



havent been able to update for so many days!!

i think i kinda forgot wad i wanted to say.

grrrrr.

i still can't access blogger from IE.

using netscape to access..

so pathetic! grr.



anyways i lost time.

cant remember where it went..

but anyhow,

cut my hair with vermie

n vc watching n askin stuff abt her lappie.

think i dont look different. haha

nvm at least a trim'll do my hair good.



oh yeah.

let me talk abt training!!

first sunday of aug was the start

of our official programme.

david targetted three sets.

we only did one and a half!

but nonetheless..it was shioook.

the sets were damn shiok lah.

like gosh..even hisham said so!!

tiring but shiok afterwards.

i hope we beat our 1st time trial record!

2nd training was good too..

did strength.

n rocked the boat against the wall. hahaha

n did the tug-o-war thing we did

as a form of training.

OH YEA!! i didnt mention.

there were only 3 left rowers

but 5 right rowers..

and tired minister asked if i could row left

so i rowed left for the tiring training..

muscle aches now!

hahaa uneven training lah.

lousy me.

but it was good..

i feel so shiok again. yay!



i need want a backpack

and new hall clothes

for the new sem!!

going shopping with verm n vc on wed!

yayyy.

queensway n funan here i come!!

oh yea. i wanna get a keyboard for my palm!

yay yay yay

the party n a dream

the party n a dream



went to the bday party n woohoo.

we talked thru the night!

no lah, didnt.

talked til 4am!

happening still rite? =]



ok details.

went cycling cycling

with verm n vc (better known as chubbs)

and it was fuuunnnnnn!

yay yay. and i learnt how to u-turn!!

can u believe it?

i think i'm so cool. -beams-

then vc drove us around sentosa

and showed us!

damn cool can..

she honked at her uncle n waved.

like so nice..like movie lydat.



den we picked zs up to the chalet

n he called vc chubbs! hahaha...

so funny he got blur when vc said, "no, eunice"

anyways..it was fun.

the food was not bad.

particularly liked the butter prawn n chicken.

yum. finger licking good.

oh, and sweet n sour cream chips!

hor, lin yen?



truth or truth til 4am was rather informative

gotta know them better--

vonne,zs,ly,gene,geo,ccy,verm.

not much abt ly cos she didnt kena!



anyways. that's the chalet part.



i slept around 5plus am

and woke up automatically at 8am!

can u believe it?

i woke up n looked at the hp.

thought i had missed the alarm

but no!! gosh.

den i dozed off w/o knowing,

and dreamt that zs, verm n i went online

to check if we've gotten all our modules.

we even laughed abt all of us waking up so early

and checking modules instead of preparing to go out already.

and we even said "haha i think we're gonna be late"

so i thought i'd woken up already!

until my hp rang at around 953am.

hahaa think zs just woke up..



then received a call.

mummy's still ill..

was waiting for her to come home!

then wait n wait n wait..

n realised she went off for work.

grr, wad a day.

my bro n sis

my bro n sis



they're such a cute couple.

and ive got my revenge yay.

finally someone to make my bro run errands..

ive seen their ups n downs

i witnessed their rom

i queued up to snatch the wedding hand bouquet

n im gonna attend the wedding banquet

n im gonna live with them.



i feel so empty.

so alone.

so unstable.



i can be so excited one moment..

and down in the dumps the next.

it's not pms.

if it is, it's the 5th pms before period's here.

the 7pm channel u show

the 7pm channel u show



lookin at that girl..

crying with her fren..

drinking down the words that she dunno how to say

calling the bf but he's busy with something.

not knowing wad to do..

who to turn to.

not knowing wad he's thinking..

how he's feeling.

swallowing her tears anger n grief

putting up with everything to make him happy.

and when she finally sees him

and says all she's feeling,

the guy says he didnt know he was causing so much pain.

that he cant do anything

cos he's useless

he cant help having the girl feel that way.



the girl decides to leave hk

due to the many many problems shes facing.

asked the guy to leave with her

the guy stayed back in hk

and on the day he called the girl n said

"i've been causing u only pain,

u'll be happier without me."



this all reminds me of something..

and i laugh bitterly at the tv screen.

someone stole my story.

shopping shopping!

shopping shopping!



spent so many hours at jannah's house

for the foc evaluation thing.

but the brownies were good. so yea.

anyways went to town with the lion n na.

bought two tops- one black one red

and two pairs of shoes- one brown one red

wad's with red?

must be that lion's doing..

anyways. i need a sugar daddy.

my weird dreams

my weird dreams



1. the shitty clay smell dream

dreamt that i bought hair clay..

den spilled alot of it

so in order not to waste it

dirty me scooped up like 3/4 of it

n smeared over my hair.

den my hair had the stupid smell

n it looked terok lah.

and i believe that this stupid dream

is influenced by V.C n her shitty smell.



2. the dream of two families

there was one family..

the good family that i was in.

we were in a car--

daddy mommy sister (all not mine) n i

den i needed to pee.

so i went down with mommy

but i couldnt find the toilet

n i was very scared

cos i felt some funny atmosphere

and the shopping centre was like some maze.

den i decided to try n pee in this corner

but dunno why it couldnt come out

so nvm. i didnt dirty the place.

decided not to pee

n ran back to the car.

but mommy was not back yet!

she was missing..

and daddy asked me to sing mommy's fave song

den i sang "shi shang zhi you ma ma hao"

the car supposedly had this weird function

any sound thru the car could be heard

in the shopping centre like some speaker thing.

so it was supposed to hint to mommy to come back.

den i spoke "mama hui lai!"

and everyone in the car was terrified.

cos we were supposedly followed by this other family.

den after the song,

this woman came back to our car.

and initially we thot she was mommy.

after some distance we realised she's the mommy

of the other car.

so freaky!!

den the rest of 'my' family disappeared.

n i tried to run away

but i was afraid she was the real mommy

n i wanted to stay on.

so i climbed up to the top of the car

and i told her "kill me if u can!"

but the car was moving on fine..



den suddenly i was in a shopping centre.

i saw lucas luk!

and he had like greyyyyy hair.

i asked him why, and he said "i wan grey hair before i cut it off"

den i came to this other weird place.

looked like something between a cinema n an lt.

anyway everyone's supposed to read out their blog names.

there were alot of weird names

n gene was there!!

gene's blog was the coolest.

it was like some movie..with a narrating voice too!

it was just so cool lah.

anyways a few years later..

(dun ask me, i dunno where the time went)

i became some pilot of some fighting craft.

this Sir was very impressed with me

n this other pilot treated me like good fren.

den i was granted access to a craft

n she followed me..

den on board the plane we became salespeople too.

there were only two of us there.

we discussed our sales

and i saw this red ruby

which was supposedly my family heirloom.

so i kept it.

oh yea thruout the years i had been suspicious of pple

and aft i saw hte family heirloom

i suspected even more that the girl with me

was from the other family.

that she was stranded too..



anyway. i just forgot the last part of the dream.

conversation with irritating mac

conversation with irritating mac



:: take a leap of faith :: says:

actually you after shower look nice too



JO :: dao sar bao n king crab bao. COME ONLINE n TALK TO ME!! :: says:

hahaha wad do u mean AFTER shower



:: take a leap of faith :: says:

during training i think you abit eeeeeeeee



:: take a leap of faith :: says:

hahah only after shower



oh my gosh. that's so sad.

-cries-