bliss.

i couldnt remember the feelin of bliss.
all because i spend so much time
doing other stuff.
but today, i took a moment off.
for myself.
so i was positioned in front of the tv
with dearest lola lying on me,
head snuggled close to mine,
peaceful in my arms.
the rain was beatin gently against the window panes,
and we dozed off.
bliss.

::started some storyblog::
template needs to be editted,
but the first constructive post is already up.
link has been added as theblackcomedy

smoking

the magic puff.

it calms u down --
each deliberate drawl from that thin wand,
the feel of that energy coursin thru ur body
from ur mouth, down the windpipe,
then thru ur nose slowly,
makin u feel lighter, calmer,
with every conscious breath u take in
from that magic wand.

it perks u up --
each calculated movement from
hitting the end of the wand gently against the table
in an attempt to make the energiser more compact n magical
to bringing it up to ur mouth
sucking on it with just the right amount of energy
with the flick of the cheap lighter
just like saying "lumos" to the wand.

it releases that pent up energy in u --
each sharp intake of magic
that sends tiny molecules of miracles speedin
thru ur body n back up to ur mouth
sending the evil in a puff of dirty grey air particles
zoomin right outta ur body.

it stops u from feeling alone --
that simple gesture of offerin a wand
to someone who understands that magic like u do.
the sharin of the moment,
and in the process of feelin the magic work,
the sharin of other moments.

and of course,
it dirties ur lungs --
each consumption of tar, of evil, they say.
that leaves a mark of its wonder
somewhere deep inside ur body
where it took all the worries away.

and eventually,
u're no longer the same.
u've been touched by the wand --
no longer pure n frustrated,
but tainted n relieved.

a tired post

a tired post.

i think i'm just like oscar..
except i prob wont mind a felix.

day was good,
ticket sales r GREAT.
i'm sooo happy. stress-free.
doing foh was fun too!!
everything's going well..
except one.

Ice -- the drug.

i was like a kid,
thinkin of but never touchin it.

until one day i tried
my darkness turned bright
and it didnt feel like it wasnt right.

i was like everyone,
tryin it purely out of fun.

until one day i tried
my darkness turned bright
and it didnt feel like it wasnt right.

i was like you n me,
submitting to it more than i should be.

until one day i realised
i'd neglected all advice
n 've become addicted to ice.

anws, some new pics up under
ko's 21st

dear daddy

Dear Father in heaven,
peace be thy name.

im facing tough times, stress n sorrows.
and as u know me, im escaping them all.
i dont know how else to cope,
and it's drowning me.
at night when silence falls
and crickets sing,
i start to drown.
please let me feel ur presence,
like u always have.
please help me thru' this period,
just like before.
i will emerge a survivor,
i will.

Your Daughter.

tired.

ko's party was funnn.
and it feels like my bday in the end--
cos i met up with quite a number of pple i know!
those whom i havent met in a long while.
and of cos, i got presents!
cant believe it, but yes.
thanks again darling,
for inviting me! =]

cyn: thanks for that lovely thing!
did i tell u my wrist size?
cos it fits just right! =]

of cos there was the blackbox before the party
and i was so prepared to be screwed,
just it didn't really happen.
but i expect my grades to be screwed.
anyway, it was a pretty not bad day!

except that i must emphasize that i really hate menses.
my skin's getting bad again.
but i shant complain,
cos i havent been caring for it.
i kinda liked the way my hair was today --
the loose curls at the end.
i hope the pictures do my half an hour justice.

my thoughts are so loosely connected now
that i dun really see wad im tryin to say.

but anw,
it was fun seeing pple i didnt expect ta see.
and i love kids.
so proven today.
that they seem to love me too. awwww.

sweet dreams again tonite!

if only i can wake up forgetting u

bored.

been feeling quite vexed.
and i dunno why!!
prob lack of exercise. again.
urghh.

so yes im thinkin alot abt certain stuff
that need no thinkin at all
and it's irritating the shit outta me.
n my room's helluva mess.
i need to clean it out.
someone help me please?

had the weirdest wonderful dream ever.
dreamt of this someone (that i know in real life)
holding my hands.
felt so sweet n all.
so i went back ta sleep when i woke up
and continued the dream.
a lovely dream,
with a weird ending.

ko's 21st party tmr!!
yay yay.
i'm gonna wear a SARI. hahaha
and ash u're gonna help me out aint ya?
stupid meeting's gonna hold me up though.
nvm, i'll make up before i go!!
n hope i dun sweat. haha
so looking fwd to it all.
pictures!

one of those nice days

been awhile since i had a nice simple day.
classes went fine, lunch was alright,
but dinner was fabulous.
to me, it was just awesome.
simple chat over simple food,
comfortable, no facade, being who i am,
saying wad i wanna say,...
all simple n good.
to top it all off,
i met up with yz n na.
so man zhu today! hor, na? =]
u're my gofs n besties.
im all urs. haha.
ZHEN please bring camera on sat.
we're so gonna take a nice pic!

oh yea how could i forget dessert at tcc.
my gawd. $9.90 for fab oozing chocolate cake.
yummilicious.
im glad to have nice days like this.
how fortunate can i get? =]

A Dance of Moths

been readin some of Goh Poh Seng's works
on the buses n trains to and fro school n work.
it's doing me some good.

but i didnt think it could make me think..

"We've been made strangers...by marriage, by domesticitty and career building, by functional roles."

it suddenly struck me-
what i perceived as stability n security
could be the basis for the destruction of it.
how many times have we taken things(and people) for granted
just because we know they'll be around?
i started to question my perception of marriage,
and discussed it with my sis-in-law earlier today.
i guess she's right-
it's not just marriage.
a long term r/s could have the same probs.
and the repercussions, we see everyday.

relationships r complex-
it's never just one someone's fault.
and i guess that's what i like abt it too.
both(or every) party gotta work to make it work.
if u feel insecure,
it's probably cos the other party doesnt make u feel safe.
nevermind if s/he's tried-
it's not wad u needed.
it's not about how much u put in,
it's about how much's accomplished.
u can do something for a hundred years
and it won't work,
just cos it doesnt work that way.

"We are fatally attacted towards the lights, the flames, around which we dance and dance. It's because our souls are dark, because we have no light within us, that we propel ourselves towards these external lights, these materialistic lights."

partylines

A Must-See!

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a gendered brain?

Your Brain is 46.67% Female, 53.33% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female You are both sensitive and savvy Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

What Gender Is Your Brain?

how do u classify a brain as male or female?
it's weird aint it.
everything's stereotyped.
if u think like this, u're thinking like a male.
if u think like that, u're thinking like a female.
so i'm the neutral for u.

time for an update..

it's weird how i logged into blogger
without knowing wad i wanna type..
and ending up havin a few issues poppin into my head.

this happened quite some time ago,
but apparently it's still interestin to me.
happened during acting class, practical.

we were supposed to strike some stationary poses,
and see wad others think we look like.
so yea.
this pair had trey kneeling down
looking pretty much like a worshipper
(or a beggar i've got no idea man)
and fir lookin like some medium
in the midst of his trance.
so pple started guessing,
and the god-worshipper thing came out.
so there's this girl who's like damn staunch a christian
tellin me how this gay man turned straight
under(not with) the help of the pastor
in the midst of a sermon.
she's so staunch that she actually believed it.
it sounded pretty much like pressure
the way she related the sermon.
anyway,
the interestin part was,
she said this,
"i think they look like God and Man,
cos it looks like a one-way relationship."

been caught up with lotsa stuff recently,
and it's the time of the month-- cramps.
been whining alot alot.
thanks lane n shan liang didi for listening!

had my first soccer match on saturday
and it was real fun.
im so glad kim got me to participate.

thewhothewho makes a good eye candy!

the cramped jo.

i know i have a lousy memory for certain things
but it's amazing how strongly i felt yesterday
towards some issues
and i cant remember wad happened exactly now,
let alone feeling any animosity towards anyone.

reilly said something that reminded me -
that we should not change or hide ourselves
just not to get into someone's ways.
i had been doing that til recently
that ive just decided to lie low n accept certain things.
better submit n let my life be easier.
but does it really make my life better?
i lose myself once again.

i realise this post doesnt exactly sound like a happy one,
but i'm alright really.
very peaceful.
hope the rest of the day goes well
for u and me.

the other side of the building

the other side of the building

"what's on the other side?" - The Rainbow Connection

this is something that didnt leave my mind
even though it happened quite some time ago.

so i had been drinking bubble tea
from this stall near clementi interchange,
the side facing the road,
with the takopachi stall,
when one day my frens decided
they wanted to drink bubble tea.
so they walked over to the other side.
and equally nice bubble tea was selling for $1.
i got a shock.
i was so content with wad i knew
that i didnt walk over to the other side.

how often have i missed out on stuff
that were on the other side?
i always thought i tried everything i could.

an angry post.

an angry post.

warning: this is an angry post.

urgh. im fed up im pissed off.
n i freakin hate it.
so Jo Black has become straightforward.
and i dont see why this is worse off
than being a fucking hypocrite.
maybe i should just be a hypocrite
to make myself feel better.
rules of satanism in which i almost believed in once.

when im mad at u,
i wont smile sweetly at u,
though i might give u a gritted teeth smile.

when i have issues with u,
i wont be all chummy n nice,
though i'll still laugh at ur jokes,
cos i dont mind jokes.

when i am angry at u,
i will tell u straight in the face.
and im sure u have heard it from me before.

dont expect me to say sorry
when i dont mean it at all.
cos i'm not like u.

dont expect me to not expose u
when u change ur fucking words
right under my nose.

when i m in one of my bad moods,
i will tend to lash out at u
for the simplest bad thing u say.
or the mildest thing that ignites the flame
in the piping hot lion.
(no not a pippin' hon.)
and u must be an angel in my eyes
if i talk to u as if i were in the best of moods
cos it really doesnt happen to everyone.

and i am true with my feelins,
not like u, bitch.
callin' me darlin' n pretending to be all nice
when u so obviously hate me.
fuck off.

issues again.

ive been unable to sleep on buses.
ok maybe one outta five times i fail to sleep.
so ive been thinkin abt stuff,
cos i havent been zapping readings to do.
some issues have been floating around,
and floats further away when i try to catch 'em.

this particular issue just sprung up in my head-
feeling unequal.

feeling pity for someone makes that someone unequal.
n kinda elevates u, pointlessly.
when u arent really superior.
and i dun really like to be pitied-
it makes me unequal.
thus when i'm aware,
i don't know what to feel.
there's really nothing great enough abt me
to start feeling pity for someone else.

there was another thing that makes someone else unequal
but a phone call came in and it floated away.

i've been receiving too many calls.
i wont be surprisesd if i pass out one day
and be diagnosed with brain cancer.
and yes darling,
i do have a brain.

i've been finding certain stuff around me amusing.
but i really m in no position to laugh.
so i just snicker. haha.
here's one -
it's amusing how this someone
tries to make her accent sound normal
(as if she just speaks like that)
when she really can speak it normally.
and tries to speak mandarin
with a funny angmoh accent,
when she can speak it normally.
but the more amusing thing is,
this other friend commented to me,
"i think she speaks mandarin really well,
so much better than her english."
my lungs almost exploded,
not being able to release my laughter on the spot.
what that first friend had tried to achieve,
has made her good in neither languages,
and made it worse,
that her intentionally good language
is worse than the one she tries to speak badly.
and how do i know she's feigning it?
cos i couldnt catch that fake accent once,
and 'huh'-ed her three times
and she just spoke normally.
n that whole day to me,
she didnt have that strained expression on her face
when she tries to speak with that accent.

clubbed on wed,
phuture n zouk.
mambo was funn.
and here comes another realization:
i dont have to be high to be enjoy myself.
and that was something i never realised..
cos i never tried.

isnt life like that?
sometimes u dont try something
and u just assume that something isnt good
thats why u're not trying it.
ive realised long ago
that we should try everything we can in life.
so i've gone about trying everything that i dont like
or didn't think i'd like,
and ended up liking them.
i never expected this though.
but at least i tried.
and im finding it good.
don't be too caught up in yourself darling,
that u miss out everything else in life.

in living out my hectic life,
struggling between rest work n school,
just what have i missed out on?

toying with the idea of 'a lazy friend',
is it really that some of us are lazy frens,
or is it that we don't have the time?
it's not just an excuse u know..
im so wrapped up in stuff
that most of my recrea moments are spontaneous.

"wanna catch a movie today?"
"wan do a late night movie tonight?"
"coffee this evening?"
"lunch together?"
"town?"

ive been indulging in 'the moments'.

i dont think ive been a lazy fren,
i havent got the time to ask pple out,
unless at super uber short notice.
tuition everyday's draining me out.
now even mornings r taken.
putting in extra bucks n experienes
is really not as easy as can be imagined.

how many frens' lives am i missin out on?
i can only try to cover with readin blogs
n tagging n msn-ing.
certain frenships are really true..
no communication for a long time
but connection at meet-ups.
it's not just the amount of stuff we share,
it's the comfort in the silence too.

i guess with the lifestyle im leadin,
i can only live in the moment.
i hope im not missing out on too much of ur life.
cos i'm trying not to.
live ur life w/o me,
it's my loss.

the dreams.

the nightmare.

it wasnt really a nightmare..
it was more like i was in the midst of a horror film.
and a japanese one at that.

i was with a few people whom i cant remb.
n there was this guy in the dream
who tried to rape me.
twice.
and i cant remember if he succeeded.
it was horrible. horrible.
anw. we went to some cinema/lt kinda place
and took our seats rather separately.
there were four scattered seats left
when i was to choose my place.
the bottom of the theatre thing,
was this screen thing, which looked really real.
there were people inside..
and they were gonna choose this bride.
and the choosing process really depended on the seats.
they were like ghosts..
or human-lookin demons.
and i sat on a seat,
n i chosen as the bride.
i freaked out, cos it was the worst thing that could happen-
your organs would get digged out.
you'll get soaked in blood.
there was just this atmosphere-
the fear that hung in the air.
just before my flesh got torn,
i scrambled to another seat.
and at this seat,
i would die.
i thot i'd rather die than suffer all that.
and i died.
but they were bent on getting me already.
by this time,
i kinda had a feeling i was dreaming
and it can't possibly be real.
so i screamed, hoping that screaming would wake me.
but i didnt wake up.
i cried for mummy,
but i was still stuck in the nightmare.
then they decided to kill the groom
and marry us in hell.
and then i awoke,
but to another dream.

that dream was fleeting,
and soon,
i was with another bunch of pple,
and this time we knew we were going there.
to that lt-like place.
we had some plan,
to choose the correct seats this time,
by masquerading ourselves.
i was acting as a little girl
who clung on to her mummy.
it was weird, cos i dun remb why
we had to disguise ourselves.

in the process of getting to the place,
we had to line up in about 6-7 rows.
and my mummy n i reached late,
but we were still allowed entry.
everyone was in rows already,
and some rows were already sent off.
when we squeezed into the last row,
the row beside us just got sent off,
and our row was exceptionally long -
about 7 people.
everyone winced at the length of the queue-
it was supposed to be a bad thing.

soon we were sent off,
and we were made to put our hands on the shoulders
of the person in front of us, tightly.
as we moved slowly along,
we kinda reached a tunnel.
and we were sent off into some space thing.
dark n lifted off the ground.
it was horrible
and it was so hard holdin on to the shoulders.
i almost let go..
but i knew there were pple behind me,
and if i let go, they'd perish with me.
so i held on.

a booming voice read some instructions to us.
one of us had to drop our passport
and it would fall off to the ground
n break like glass.
when the passport fell,
our identity would perish with us.
and a thought struck me-
i was holding on to a disguise,
i had two passports.
so i sacrificed it.
and in the process,
i sacrificed my childhood.
and immediately i had to don a new identity.

then we moved on
and another set of instructions were read.
someone sacrificed another something,
and i dun remb wad.
i was disillusioned.
i didnt know why i was there
i didnt know why we were all there..
on a pointless journey
where certain people had to sacrifice.
but we went on,
not knowing wad else to do.

after we reached our destination,
there was this reception thing,
and two pple discussed our disguise
and were overheard.
i just said something to cover the whole thing
in the fake innocence of the little girl.
and i was recognised for my intelligence.
i saw the two guys--
one good, one bad.
the bad guy was the one who had tried to rape me.
this time i had the good guy to help me.
i think we fell in love in the dream..
and we chose seats beside each other.
and then we realised,
that we should get everyone to sit in a row--
that unity was strength.

the dream was really like the journey of life,
if u share my understanding.

horrors of horrors

horrors of horrors

fergot to set my alarm clock
n woke up happily at 11.27am.
almost messaged my student to postpone tuition
when something struck my head--
i wont have time for a make up lesson;
ok two somethings--
it's payday!
so i dragged one tonne of wt to the bathroom
bathed n smsed him that i'll be late.
reached before 12noon ok.
i'm DARKWING DUCK!

*flies to the top of a small hill
with the flap of the cloak floating behind me*

"darkwing duck!" - the music comes on.
the wind blows n my cloak floats behind
as i stand heroicly on the hilltop.

then plong i fall off the hill,
with my head buried in the ground
and my two fat legs waving frantically just above it.

tuition was good,
i could solve the revolution questions
with both, and i repeat,
BOTH the disc n shell methods.
tadaaa.
and it's not fung's credit.
it was some realisation that hit me before the As.
so anws.

grabbed some cai fan off the foodcourt,
and i suspect the auntie cheat my money.
i checked the pricelist loh!
$3.00 for 3 veges;
$3.00 for 2 veges n 1 meat--
then i stopped n thought
"of cos get 2 veges n 1 meat lah"
then i asked the uncle,
"duo shao qian huh?"
"oh, san kuai lor"
then i happily took out 3bucks from my smelly wallet.
"xiao mei, san kuai ban."
"huh?!"
the wallet fell to the ground..
n the world stopped spinning.
the colors dissipated
and i was left alone in a small 2d square
in the middle of a comic book.

the shrill of the devil was heard again,
"san kuai ban."

the colors came back and i was on earth again.
"mei you lah, uncle jiang san kuai mah.."
(reluctantly putting back the golden coin
n taking out another 2dollar note)
"wo bu hui pian ni de lah!"

nvm. the box was huge.
makes up for the 50cents.
auntie ni hao..

den it was eileen's house..
managed to finish typing
all the agreement exercises.
i'm helluva fast typer.
*clears throat*

"diu diu! diu diu diu.." sounds from a comp r heard.
the heroine decked in baggy tees n jeans leant back
on her armchair with her powerful arms in front of her
n her agile fingers on the keyboard.
she was zapping all the typewriter crocodiles..

cancelled tuition in the evening though.
felt lethargic.
n was planning on hitting town
with either donna n reilly
or the swappies.
so i was putting clothes against my body
in front of the mirror
n oh gawdalmighty.
i m o b e s e.
i had a down
n smsed donna that i wasnt gonna make it.
and i went for a half-hour jog.

the first time in my life
i felt fats vibrating.
on the arms, on the thighs.
my goodness gracious.
the first time in my life!
i must have grown so much
that i refused to believe.
so stop lying to me u bitches.
i m o b e s e.

"you are obese. you are obese you are obese."
faces loom in on the poor figure lump
crouching over her bowl of baked potatoes.
"you are obese. you are obese you are obese."
the chant continues n faces appear bigger n bigger.
finally, the bowl of potatoes disappears.
but the faces just got duplicated.
the chants got louder..

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

meee.

firstly, i am

The Renaissance ideal

The leading thinkers of the Renaissance were not just experts in their own field. The renaissance scholar was expected to master all branches of knowledge.

With his insatiable desire to know everything, Leonardo da Vinci is often held up as the ideal Renaissance man.

Then, i am

an Interpersonal Thinker
Interpersonal thinkers:
Like to think about other people, and try to understand them
Recognise differences between individuals and appreciate that different people have different perspectives
Make an effort to cultivate effective relationships with family, friends and colleagues

Other Interpersonal thinkers include
Winston Churchill, Mother Teresa, William Shakespeare

Careers which suit Interpersonal thinkers include
Politician, Psychologist, Nurse, Counsellor, Teacher

Like interpersonal thinkers, Leonardo had lots of friends and contacts, and was a popular figure at the Italian court.

jo the carnivore?.

the carnivore? not?

feeling bliss at the melting away
of the pure salmon sashimi on my tongue.
m i a carnivore?
but i feel bliss at sweet bai cais
warming up my stomach too.

anw.
over with term assignments n tests this week.
I SURVIVED.
two more presentations n it's over, jo.
the exams are coming ur way.

im lost for words n thoughts
but nice frens keep me from
disillusionment.
ive got frens who remember me for dinner
frens who r willing to come out with me
for movies in the middle of the night
frens who stay up to wake me up to do my essay
frens who reply my smses.
i guess that's enough =]
content!

bliss is the feeling of floatin up
even when u weigh a tonne.