i have been a bitch.

=karen says i should be more diplomatic.
i think so too.
ive been too filled with things to do
that ive been lazy to mitigate.
something that should never happen.

im glad that firs around.
fir fir thanksss.

n na n zs the pple who talk to me
and hear wad i say.

thanks to so many frens man.
im lovedd.

yan for the lessons
yirang for the lunches n dinners n the company
kim for being always physically there

and all those i want to!

wo yao shui jiao.
i miss home..!

i cant blog interestingly anymore!

the skeptic.

its funny how ive meta-sized from an idealist to a skeptic.
not a realist. a skeptic.

i no longer believe everybody.
though i can still be quite naive.
listen to this:

she: "you know i think history is important,
cos when we go to a country which we know the history,
the place just comes alive,
we make sense of it better" (her poors english editeds.)

i: "you seem to have a strong teleological need"

she: "no, really. u know what happened there before
and u understand why the people behave the way they do!"

boy, does she even unds wad teleology means?
Miss Does-They-Knows?

she: "have u read T.C. Ong?"
he: "no i havent"
she: "u know he read the si4 shu1 (four classics)?"
he: "huh wad's that?"
she: "i dunno, it should be something the pple of last time read."

Miss Onlys-I-knows-it-All, please don't make me laugh.

2 years of history in JC does not make you a historian, girl.
and i respect analytical history MAJORS, not you, lady.

---

a about b, "oh i really hate her. just dont mention her name"
b about a, "she always smses me"

a about c, "he cooks up stories about me"
c about b, "she comes on to me"

a about d, "i told her straight in the face"
d about a, "i think i stand a chance"

a about a, "i dont flirt"
a about a, "i flirt with pple i dont like"

now, dont bother convincing me.
cos it doesnt matter.
i don't listen to anyone.

---

now for the funny stuff:

me: "have you guys taken hep b shots?"
x & y: "no"
x: "it's humful!"

y: look, there are ppl staring at the car wash!
me: omg. SO INTERESTING!! why ahh??
y: don't u realise they're not moving?
me: eh? no lah. they're reallll.
y: they're dcals (however u spell it).
--
me: hey x, look at those pple staring at the car wash!
x: OMG! WHY AH? should we go for the car wash??
y n me stay silent
x: i wan to go for a car wash!! it's damn excitinggg.
me: bwahahahahahaharr.
y: they're dcals.
x: ahhhh. were u suckered too?

and the dcals actually have faces!

---

wad a fun night out =)

im tired, again.

tired. really.

slept right thru my marketing tutorial.
at home.
i totally forgot abt it until james smsed to see if i was reaching already.
woke up eyes red, couldnt even smile at lola.
made myself breakfast, went to school.
saw reilly at the bus stop,
waited fifteen for the bus 10
which took fifty minutes to reach school.
fell asleep twice on the bus, both times woke up by work.

i wanna stop being bossy.
i wanna stop teaching pple how to boss.
but i dont know how to.
i dont know how to go pple's ways anymore.
u cant just call me and tell me youre feeling lousy,
expecting me to let you lead,
when uve gone for an era.
cos i hafta start right from the beginning.
you cant ask me to let u lead a section
when i have to tell you how to delegate the job.
do you know wad i mean?
i wanna be rid of the many things too.
but when i see how you do it,
id rather do it myself.
when i forget how you do it,
teaching you all over again kills me.

i cant remb how many times ive dozed off,
only to be awakened by the handphone.
maybe i should be glad its dying on me.
i wont get a new one, i tell ya.
ok im kidding.

im tired in the other sense too.
im tired of playing the game,
im tired of treating people like fuck in the r/s.
im tired of being treated in the weirdest way possible.
im jaded.

but i dont know how to get outta this mess.
really.
maybe i dont want to.
maybe i dont know how to.
maybe, it's a combination of both.

im just waitin for most work to be over,
and drown myself in the divine liquid and saintly air.

the queen's back.

im backk.
after two days of the race.

the moment i stepped into the house
i had to fend off lola's nails and desperate attempts to hug me.
cos i was filthy beyond words
and she could only reach my knees
which are in quite bad shape by now
though they weren't very badly bruised.

the pus after the bath was indescripable.
didnt know wad to do with it
but bro made me dry it up 'properly' n put gauze.
said to see the doctor tmr.
hope to get it wrapped like a pig's trotters.
i think it'll look cool.

ive learnt so much in this one sem-
that some people just don't understand instructions
no matter how many times you reiterate them;
sometimes we set stuff to remb but we forget them;
teamwork is the hardest thing on earth;
interpersonal skills are much more than social skills.
tonnes more
but im tired.
very tired.

if i don't reply your smses,
there are two possibilities-
i didnt have the time to
or i didnt want to.
if i didnt call you back
its definitely cos i wasnt free
and when i am its too late.

let me be aiight.
and everyone,
just stop thinkin im angry.
i figure i cant do much abt my tone now
cos i dont see the real prob with it
but stop irritating me by saying sorry.
i swear i'll slap you if i get pissed off
with all the "are you pissed off"s you shoot at me.

about my fren who takes mugshits.

this lucky piece of shot fren of mine
is going to EUROPE.
and the same piece of shot came up with this

Vending Machine Theory
you press the buttons when you like it.

but honey, remb we gotta pay for it.

the uncle said...

so the uncle said to me,
"girl, the challenge is just that.
patience."
how right can he get?
it's so easy to lose your patience.
especially with the countless kinds of people in this world
the challenge is indeed just that - patience.
the great man is he who can master that.

"girl, think about this.
when you do something good,
what do you expect?"
i kept quiet for awhile,
sporting a skeptical look,
thinking the uncle's not that great afterall.
im dead sure we all do lotsa stuff without expectating anything in return!
maybe not without reason,
(like u feel happy doing a good deed or something)
but very possibly without expectation!

"uncle, not everyone does good expecting something."
"well, how would you feel if you treat your friend well,
and he backstabs you?"
and it hit me right smack in the face.
the very word that haunted me - expectation.
the very word that's caused unhappiness in so many.
the very word that revealed itself to me once again,
in yet another form.
we expect people to at least not be mean to us.
maybe we don't expect them to be nice, but we certainly don't expect them to be unkind.
at least i don't.
i get disgrunted and upset and annoyed and disappointed
and anything but unaffected
when people go one step further than being plain unappreciative.

and now, even with that enlightenment,
im still unable to achieve it.
that patience.

---

wenta source for lights with not-so-minah ayda,
had a few moments of inspiration,
a few moments of indulgence,
and a few moments of fatigue.
but all in all, im glad i went.
ayda, let's arab street sometime!

today was spent shopping for hiphopera again.
countless, these trips.
but well, i realised nothing ive done's done for nothing.
i've learnt and gained again.
and i've realised how many similarities princess karen n i share!
and that moment of indulgence in bubble tea too.

im learning.
i dont know why its happening this sem,
but im glad its happening.
those opportunities that swarm my way
the recognition im accorded.
im lookin up to yen n alvin.
the time management
and the seemingly unwavering commitment level.
i salute you.